Why I Should Not – I Mean, Why I Should Totally Adopt This Dog

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Peggy: A pit bull requires a certain sort of person to train it, and YOU, my friend, are not that sort of person. A pit bull needs a boss. I am not a boss, and you CERTAINLY are not a boss. Second, you need to wait until your dog is older and TRAINED before you bring another dog into your household. You think they’ll just play together, but they’ll teach each other bad behaviors. The hassle doesn’t just double with a second dog, it grows exponentially with a second dog.

Me:  Does that even make mathematical sense?

Peggy:  Okay, I’m bringing out the big guns now. You cannot provide that sweet, wonderful puppy with the home that will allow him to grow into the best dog he can be. (I swear, she was almost in tears at this point. The girl is good. But not good enough.)

Me: Peggy, intellectually I am hearing all of your excellent points. But emotionally, you know what I’m hearing? “Blah blah blah I’m going to see my puppy on Thursday! Blah blah blah I’m going to see my puppy on Thursday!”

Peggy: Okay, fine. How about this? PUBLIC PERCEPTION.

Me: Huh?

Peggy: When people ask me what kind of dogs I have, I say, “A chihuahua and a pekingese,” and they say, “Oh, how cute!” When people ask you what kind of dogs you have, you’re going to have to answer, “A chow mix and a pit bull.”

Pause.

Me: WHOA, I am going to be SO BADASS!!! NO ONE is going to mess with me! And I can say, “Yeah, and I have a shotgun behind the door, you wanna talk about it?”

Peggy: Silence.