So, I haven’t written anything ANYTHING anything at all except, like, notes on stuff I have to do since last Friday, and in part that is because I got in big trouble for something I wrote last Friday. Which has been amended/deleted/tidied up/made even more vague and less likely to be interpreted as even worse than it was, so don’t go looking for it to try to figure out what was up. But that makes it particularly striking that this week’s word is Unexpected.
It was unexpected that I would get a reaction of such intensity. It was unexpected that words unedited from my heart/subconscious mind/train of thought would bite me in the ass. Wow, that’s rather naive, if I do say so myself. Well, there ya go.
It was unexpected that I, the Good and Quiet Girl, would have a fairly/mildly/somewhat/shockingly scandalous early adulthood. It was unexpected that I would one day wake up and Know it was time to have a child. It was unexpected that I would love her – and then 2 years and 9 months later, him – so intensely. So much that I would have killed for them, died for them if I had to. Unexpected that I still feel that way.
Unexpected that I would be where I am now. Does everyone feel that way? Somewhere, is there someone living a life that is exactly as they planned/intended/foresaw from the get-go? Right here, right now, sitting in the warmth of sun streaming in the window of a dear friend’s living room is delicious. Unexpectedly so.
Living in the moment and feeling the blessings of every second is a habit I am cultivating. Thought I already had, but it hit me today, 11/11/11, particularly right around 11:11 a.m.
But then, I expected that.